I was never very good at goodbyes

It’s been a rainy week here in Superior WI and I’ve been awaiting a rainbow. At random times throughout the past few days the sun would peek through the rain clouds and I would peek through the many windows in my apartment, hoping to spy the telltale colors.

With my departure a mere few days away I was feeling a bit of anxiety this evening about travel, life, etc. I decided to go for a walk to the library and supermarket (to seek out a certain sweet requested by my friend in Munich) and introspect. On the way back from the supermarket as I criss-crossed through the parking lots and skipped across the road, the rainbow above my head caught my eyes. It’s amazing how a simple, mundane natural occurrence can have such a profound effect on the human spirit. When my sister and I were children and spotted a rainbow sometimes our father would ask if we wanted to go out and find the pot of gold. Of course we always replied with enthusiasm as we piled into the cab of his work truck and headed off on the rainbow trail to find our treasure. The three of us would talk about what we would do with all of the gold as we followed the rainbow through the countryside in that old pickup, until it disappeared into the sky as mysteriously as it came.

Complicated circumstances and strained relationships have since eliminated any contact with my father for over four years. This is for the best. While I have had the tendency to distance myself from most of my biological family for some reason or another, there remains a sort of fascination with my genealogical roots. I look towards my trip through Ireland and Germany as a sort of pilgrimage to my heritage. Not only that, but the guilt of my American identity somehow justifies my need to return to my “motherlands”. In some odd way I feel that the genocide committed in the Americas against the natives here can only be righted if we return to the lands from which we came. While I know that this is entirely unrealistic and absurd I cannot let go of the notion…

The much-awaited rainbow swooped above my head in an arch of timeless wonder as I wandered back to my humble abode. I observed it fade in and out of existence and finally completely dissipate just as I arrived at my own sweet doorstep. It’s appearance served not only as an epic sign of synchronicity and beauty in the vast scheme of my little existence, slowing me down to the present moment and the revelation of harmony in the fleeting things if life; but as a sort of metaphor for expression. My own choice of expression may seem mundane and pointless in the bigger picture, but I cannot help myself, writing and dreaming are a natural occurrence that result fluidly simply from my being. Like a rainbow, which so nonchalantly, pointlessly materializes, our actions flow from us as temporary expressions of necessary causes on a much deeper level.
Perhaps I was the only one who saw that rainbow. Most likely not. But what is important is how deeply one experiences its presence; the same lesson applies when experiencing the phenomena of another land….

on the road again (or in the sky…)

When I was a kid my grandpa would sing that old Canned Heat song every time we got in the car, regardless of how long the trip was really going to be. It always kind of amused me and even today I often think of him singing that song whenever I embark on some sort of journey.

I’m picking this blog up again for another adventure on an ozone-depleting jetliner (Someday I’ll figure out how to catch a ride on a trans-atlantic cargo ship so that I don’t have to feel so guilty about wasting all of that fuel.)
I’m going to Bosnia this time. That’s right. Go ahead and laugh. It is actually pretty amusing though, given the fact that I have yet to keep the promise I made to you (and the random Harvard graduate student I met on the plane from Tokyo who had lived in Japan for 10years+ and still hadn’t learned the language…) about going to Canada this year. I always dreamed of visiting tropical islands and classic destinations like the UK, central Europe, India and South America. Instead I have ended up travelling to obscure destinations of political unrest and uneventful climates. South Korea, Bosnia, what’s next, Kyrgyzstan? Perhaps. I don’t believe anymore that one must see what everyone else has seen before being able to understand the obscure or esoteric.
On this trip I have, however, managed to integrate some more popular destinations. I’ll be flying to Dublin for several days and then to Munich for a week where I will galavant with high school pals. Somehow I will wander down to Sarajevo from there, reading, writing and spending university money along the way. I will spend a month in Bosnia-Herzegovina studying with several other American students and history and political sciences professors from UWS. I’m also bringing a fancy video camera from the video-production department and plan to shoot enough footage to compose a documentary.
I’m leaving in a few days here, but am just sick as a dog today. I’ve finished almost all of my finals, etc, but feel so entirely shitty that it’s hard to be excited. But it’s nice to force myself to relax, all the same. Right now I am scoping out hostels in touristy Dublin and trying to plan an escapade with a UWS friend in Munich… I’m not looking forward to that lame tourist feeling and am not afraid to pretend that I am Canadian. Everyone in Korea always thought I was Russian, so I think I’ve got some sort of exotic (or just plain strange) look that somehow gives me an edge in the foreign context. Being American is always the most embarrassing when abroad. Sinclair Lewis asked, “Why is it that traveling Americans are always so dreadful?” and also pointed out “Do you think it’s so snobbish, to want to see something besides one’s fellow citizens abroad?”. Needless to say, I am looking forward to another solo-trip….

last day.

it’s 9am here, my last day. the kids practiced their final presentation yesterday and it was pretty hilarious. i wonder what their parents will think of it all, the fact that its all in english and there is no interpreter should add to the amusement.

Ha-na and Pil-jin came from Seoul to visit me here last night. that was pretty sweet of them. my Apa and Opa asked the dabong-sunnim (kunsunnim is away on business or something…) if we could go out for a “farewell party” last night, but he wouldn’t allow it so we had to enjoy ourselves at the temple. the girls ordered dopoki, odang, hota and teegim (just for fun. i always get teased for the semblence of my name to this tasty fried dish.). it was a pleasant evening. the dabong-sunnim asked me if there was anything that i really wanted to have (foodwise) before i left the country. as i thought about it i realized that i am actually completely content with the turnout of this exciting trip.

i got the kid’s emails yesterday. i’m going to miss them a lot, and something tells me it’s mutual….

my warm bed awaits my return in northern wisco. my cats are probably ten times bigger than they were when i left, considering all of the venison they’ve been fed. my upcoming research design class is waiting to kick my ass and plans for a maymester trip to Bosnia to study war and peace need to be laid. this has been a challenging and exciting adventure back to the only other country i have been to outside the US (i formally make a pledge to you all that i will go to canada this year…)

fastest post ever –

i have three minutes to type up a post at the computer that i am using at the cheongnaynee train station. the weekend in Seoul was totally amazing and it was so great to see so many of my old friends and my roommates again, but the weather here was harsh. we walked around Insadong for a while and visited the Jogyesa temple. glorious. its a beautiful day and Xiao and i are on our way back to the temple. the big city is almost too much for me now that i have something to really contrast it to.

lost in Cheongnyangee and playing with my cellphone – like any korean would. (exempting the ‘being lost’ part…)

settling in

waking up early this morning and looking out at the incredible mountain range that surrounds the campus, its idiosyncratic peaks and ridges, the colors of each range that fade out into the distance – I was floored both by the immensity of Korean history and by the realization that I really am on the other side of the world and that it was relatively easy to get here. riding on the plane, too, I contemplated this and reveled in thoughts of future travel. the world is at our fingertips and all we need to do is reach out –

its 7am here in wonju and I can’t sleep. somehow I thought I was going to get the better of jetlag – subverting it with my newfound travel vigor. but no, 9 time zones and a fifteen hour difference later my confused and aching body lays testament to the journey…

so.
korea is still absolutely and completely amazing. I can’t believe that I even contemplated not returning. JK and I have had a splendid time together these past few days. yesterday we went to a traditional hanji (Korean papermaking art) place at the base of chiaksan mountains. we made some traditional coasters in a cold room upstairs where the heater only comforted my legs. I also had the chance to visit with Eun-ju on Friday, we went out to eat at a Japanese bar downtown and then to my favorite jimjilbang; and last night with Sung-gyu and Jin-hyung, we had pajan and maccoli in Maeiji-ri and talked about their upcoming army service and prospects of girlfriends.

being back in wonju has been really weird because I guess I had more or less resigned myself to believe that I may never see these places again – chiak mountains, downtown wonju, the inter-spa public bathhouse,  maiji-ri, and the Yonsei campus – it has been such a treat to be back and remember that I actually did experience this as life, that this place is a reality, not a dream…

today we are departing to the temple where I will embark on my mission to propagate the English language to the adorable middle school children in the Young-ju/Pong-gi area. we have been staying at a guesthouse at Yonsei these few days because JK says her house is too small, which is pretty much true. her niece arrived here last night and she will come with us to the temple this afternoon, then stay overnight with me so that we can watch the sun rise in the morning from the temple.

my internet access has been sparce at best. at Kum-gun san (my temple) I will have more regular access but it will likely still be quite limited.

fancy tea with JK in Insadong –

the morning view from the guesthouse –

making Hanji with JK near Chiaksan mountains –

train ride to Youngju –

over and out (back on the the 19th)

(unless i stumble into internet access before then…)

i submitted my last paper an hour ago and took my philosophy test this afternoon, so the semester is officially over. in a way i am relieved because my body has been screaming “WTF?!! ITS SUMMER NOW!” and summer indeed ’tis. its raining profusely these days, on and off, and then the heat hits and its ridiculously humid. this is my last night with the roommates, tomorrow i am going to take the train in the morning to Youngju and stay at the temple. the sunnims and everyone else at the temple, particularily kuh-sunnim, have been pressuring me to come back in the wintertime to teach english to gradeschoolers for a few weeks. as annoying as it may be, and as lacking as i am in confidence of my korean skills, i think i might say yes. it would just be fabulous to come back and visit my friends and have another huge adventure. (but i keep dreaming about learning spanish and going to Guatemala instead… am i crazy?) i miss my camera a little. i think i will really be missing it at the DMZ.

countdown – – –

10pm tuesday.

i can’t even believe it, but my determined study habits payed off and i completely aced my korean tests. it was beautiful. but now its tuesday night and i am finishing up some essays that are due tomorrow, and getting ready for my philosophy test, and the five day trip that will ensue on thursday morning. i am a little nervous about travelling all over on my own – but i did it this weekend in Gyungju, so i think i will be alright. i will be sure to pack my cell phone and spare battery. i am most nervous about the subway in Seoul, funny enough, even though the toughest part of my trip should be travelling to the temple in Youngju and then from there to Seoul friday night, then to the center of Seoul, where i need to find someplace to sleep, and in the morning i will start my DMZ tour. then i will galavant around Seoul for a few days with friends and roommates, seeing a few cool things like the national history museum (and if i am really lucky, a fantastic picasso show that just came to SK…) next tuesday i am back here, packed, and ready to go early thursday morning. and thats that. it was so fast, i am so entirely stunned.

the Korea vs Togo world cup game starts in a few minutes, screams can be heard throughout campus and everyone was wearing their red shirts today. the whole country is bedecked in national pride – everyone from grannies to little babies, and even some small animals, are sporting their nationalism.

i am feeling really forlorn. i’ve only got one real day left on campus before i leave for my little trip, then come back to the quiet campus before going home. i dont know how to say goodbye to all of the friends i have made, i have been so lucky, and this has been such an amazing experience. i am definately coming back. but even then, i am not going to know the same people or lead the same life. the end never felt so near, so real, or so empty….
at the same time, its going to be fantastically surprising and strange and wonderful to be home.
my heart aches.

the bright side of life

i made it through another day, and finished my hellish powerpoint presentation. somedays it almost feels good when i remember that i am primarily surrounded by people whom i may never see again. but really, i’m feeling a lot more upbeat today.
we took our korean teacher out for dinner, then i went drinking with my philosophy professor and a few of his collegues, along with a bunch of korean philosophy major friends. we drank beer and ate dried bananas, peanuts, fruit, etc while chatting and singing impromtu acapella songs at a comfortable little bar in Maeji-ri. it was really nice. one thing i have really realized here is the importance of having a few beautiful songs in the back of my head to sing on command in front of large groups of people. i have three, two of them are Joplin’s – Bobby Mcgee and Mercedes Benz (short but sweet) the third is one i have known for ages but dont know the name of it. its kind of a campfire song, goes like this: “the river she is flowing, flowing and growing, the river she is flowing, down to the sea…” all you old hippies out there know what i am talking about. its a real charmer.
now – its 2am and somehow i am less fatigued than i was a few hours ago. i woke up really early to finish that project. oh the relief! now i’ve got a bunch of papers to write and three tests to prepare for. arrg. but i am almost halfway there. and two weeks from right now i will be packing my bags and on the bus to the airport. that really sucks. how did that happen? i cant believe its almost over. i’m really not ready to go, this has been such a fantastic opportunity.
but i’m still here now. and its my “ya-dongsang”s birthday (sweet little ingrid, my real reason for going home at all….) she is turning five. its amazing that half a decade has gone by she took her first breath and then that crinkled little hand grabbed my finger as i stood there in my blue medical robe. nothing existed but the two of us for a few long, quiet seconds, even in in the hospital room packed with acoutraments and bustling with nurses…..
Ingrid Gertrude is the love of my life. seriously, and no offense meant to any passionate and silent admirer (if you’re out there, i wouldn’t mind you raising your voice a bit…) but Ingrid is my all-time favorite person in the world. its too bad i couldnt hear her on the phone when i called her to wish her happy birthday, but she was holding it upside down. no biggy. happens to me all the time.
home is sounding sweeter by the moment.

on another note – the ornery roomie, Eun-hye, has rejoined the tegan fan club and we are getting along like peaches and cream. speculative reasons are: fast-aproaching english finals or my stunning victory as “best international student.” or maybe the nasty american girl who contributed to the harsh feelings and overall uncomfortable situation made ammends. though it is more likely that Eun-hye discovered sudden enlightenment and i fall into her newfound peace with all things. (i’m saying its “IMPOSSIBLE”…..)

Korea is –

ideas have been running through my head lately, one-liners that can only explain what i have found to be the essence of life in Korea in my few short months here…
Korea is Kimchee
Korea is small spaces
Korea is squid, and seaweed
Korea is sleeping on the floor
Korea is sleeping on the subway
Korea is sleeping on the bus
Korea is sleeping pretty much anywhere humanly possible
Korea is taking off your shoes
Korea is little kids saying “hi” or bowing to strangers, being patted on the head in return –
Korea is friendly
Korea is ceramics and celadon glaze
Korea is pizza delivery via motorcycle or moped
Korea is high heels and miniskirts
Korea is white rice
Korea is pretending it knows about coffee and chocolate, but they are less than halfway there(if you are a fan of these intoxicants, prepare for the most fulfilling servings to come only in your dreams…)
Korea is covering your mouth with your hand
Korea is pouring alcohol for others
Korea is small, flat mattresses and huge pillows
Korea is putting mayonaisse on things you wouldn’t even imagine
Korea is bowing to your elders
Korea is norae-bangs (kareoke rooms)
Korea is Ajumas and roadside stands and something that could be classified as fish ham
Korea is sweatshop posing as namebrand sweatshop (“American Fitch”….)
Korea is smoky bathrooms
Korea is learning English, or pretending to
Korea is studying as if your life depended on it, because it does
Korea is Unification – the people here want it so bad…
Korea is pushing you out of the way in the street and saying “I’m so sorryuh!” (Korea is adding the sound “uh” to the end of every english word….)
Korea is grilled meats, fried meats, raw meat
Korea is jimjilbangs (public bathhouses)
Korea thinks it is fat
Korea is seeming like it’s completely disorganized until you learn enough of the language to realize that the culture is extremely complicated
Korea is Buddhism
Korea is green tea
Korea is its’ own national treasures – numbered #1 through ?. items like temples, statues, etc
Korea is wearing the same clothes three days in a row, but they’re nice clothes, so who gives?
Korea is sitting on the floor to eat
Korea is chopsticks and spoons and stainless steel cups
Korea is awesome mountains and conniferous trees
Korea is the World Cup
Korea is happy it’s Korea, but is pretty pissed about the whole Dokdo thing (Korea is pretty much hating Japan)

“today is festival?! start!! go!!”

festival week here on campus was completely and ridiculously awesome. thursday was the cresendo of the event with the performance of Wonju and sinchon campus’ Akaraka groups (cheerleading squad dressed in freakishly traditional clothing + slightly awkward disco boots…) this was definately the highlight of the week for me as i think i gained more of an idea of the culture here than at almost any other event. the event opened with some Wonju campus student groups, bands, dance groups and the like, then there were some famous performers (thats the rockin’ thing about being in a small country – actually getting to see their celebrities up close – its just a lot more liely to happen here) one of which was my favorite hiphop group, Epik High, so i was ecstatic. Ivy also performed, i dont really know who she is but all of the guys in the ampitheatre were freaking out. i could barely see her on the stage, she was so thin. creapily thin. but thats what they’re into here.
Akaraka finally came on after all of the dramatic buildup, and proceeded to lead the huge, outdoor crowd in Yonsei pride cheers, all of which were spin-offs of random American theme songs like “somewhere over the rainbow,” “ghostbusters” and “we will rock you,” filled in with predominantly Korean lyrics that expressed how crazy they are about their university. the crowd followed the lead of the dancers on stage until nearly 10pm. i had spent five hours there, my energy was completely spent and my legs hurt, but i sure got my 7,000 won out of it.
but its saturday now, and the wild drunken bash has ended. i just cleaned my room and finished some homework (though i ought to do more, i’ve got two 10 page papers due in the next few weeks and finals are fast approaching. i am wondering if they would actually fail my in Korean if i fail the final too…..) i am trying not to be too irritated with my snotty roommate Eun-hye, who decided to stay in the dorms this weekend. we don’t even really talk to eachother anymore. its a pity. but we’ve only got a few more weeks together. i am leaving in an hour to go to the Sileuksa temple in Gyeonggi-do for the weekend. i’ll be waking up at 3am tomorrow. i’ve been waiting for this real experience of traditional temple life for a long time and i am really looking forward to the peace.